It’s been nearly 12 hours since the government shutdown… I’m broadcasting this message from a make shift antenna somewhere out in the woods. To any survivors out there, I have plenty of beans and water to last us until someone can get the government working again. I know our current situation is grim, but together we can rebuild society. I never thought a government shutdown would be this bad, without government, who will tell me what to eat? Who will make sure our food has a legally acceptable limit of pesticides? Who will keep the corporations from FORCING me to buy their products? Who will keep the planes from falling out of the sky!? Who will keep gays out of marriage? Who will keep cocaine out of my nose? Who will stop kids from shooting each other? WHO WILL BUILD THE ROADS!?

If your like me and have severe mommy issues you will miss the government. But I have faith in our BENEVOLANT democratically elected politicians in Washington too do the right thing and pass a bill to raise the debt ceiling because government LOVES us! Government loves me yes I know, for the constitution tells me so, government loves me yes thats right, its the only reason I can sleep at night!